SENTIENT TIMES August/September 2002

Healing Hints

By Peter Moore, MFCC, CGP

As I was approaching the writing of this article, I realized that, by the time you read this, it will have been twenty years since I turned pro in the world of healing; and I also realized that it’s been seven years, since May 1995, that I have been writing for Sentient Times. So I thought that I would offer perhaps a condensed view of two of the very obvious things I’ve learned, what one of my teachers has termed “household hints.”

First, and most important as far as I’m concerned, is to breathe. I can’t underes-timate the profound impact such a simple step can take. Of course, we’re all breathing all the time anyway, so the admonition to breathe is something more than that. Sometimes it is simply (!) the placing of one’s awareness on the act of breathing. The deeper we go into this practice, the more profoundly we notice our connection to what’s inside of us, and outside of us. There are meditation techniques which focus only on that. Why? Because our breath is the closest thing we have to bridge the gap between our conscious and unconscious processes, and placing our awareness there can move us into profoundly altered states. Each breath, if we surrender to it, if we do our best to be in observer mode, not trying to change anything, becomes an elaborate journey in itself. As we surrender to our breath, we are deeply changed.

But a different way to follow the advice to “breathe!” is more active and uses what could be called a forcing current, so we have to be careful. Until you’ve had the experience, it’s difficult to believe that deep breathing alone can bring up so much stuff, but it’s true. This is the focus of Reichian or rebirthing techniques, and, in a much milder fashion, is the focus for many relaxation methods. As I have pointed out in several previous articles, and, since Wilhelm Reich’s pioneering work is relatively commonplace in therapeutic circles, it is oppression in childhood (“instilling values”) which leads to certain feelings as being unacceptable. Since this is an impossibility—we can’t change our feelings (unless by “feelings” is meant attitudes or manipulations), the child has to deaden himself, and the primary way we deaden ourselves is through the chronic inhibition of breathing. It’s safe to say that, in the West at any rate, we are all chronic underbreathers. The chronicity of the deadening is imported because we’ve all gotten used to it, and therefore we are usually numb to our deadness (what a concept!).

If you’ve been around very young children, you will observe an easy excitability. When my baby Maisie is excited by something, she veritably pants. I commented to my wife that it seems that the only situation when such heavy breathing is acceptable is during lovemaking or sports. That might give you some idea of the distance that exists between full aliveness and the state we all seem to be in. Just imagine coworkers, friends, yourself breathing as heavily as when having sex, but it may simply be excitement about standing in line at the grocery store when a friend waves “hello.” We’ve all learned to grow up and deaden.

Why is there such a resistance to chronic deeper breathing? Initially it can make us feel very alive and tingly, but inevitably it will in the end trigger vivid memories and flashbacks of many scenes when important early caretakers wittingly or unwittingly chastised us. And this brings me to the second thing I’ve learned: there are two kinds of therapy. There’s “for” therapy and “against” therapy. In other words, there’s healing where the client feels understood, and there’s “healing” where the client is somehow chastised by the practitioner or teacher.

Let me explain. The pioneers of different schools of therapy were drawn to this field because of their own conflicts—this is the basis of the archetype of the wounded healer. But a pioneer or founder of a school has a different personality than a “run-of-the-mill” healer. They would have to have drive and a certain amount of chutzpah. It is a very fine line, which some teachers have not delineated, between arrogance and vision. In my view, a true teacher has to be the humblest of the lot, but alas this is not always the case. In some ways I believe they are still trying to win the lost love of childhood by being powerful, but in the meantime their students and the clients of their students will have to carry the shadow side of this: the teacher’s hurt feelings and sense of inadequacy.

What happens next, as I’ve hinted, is that whatever the teacher comes up with as a way to heal, has other aspects which are called blocks to that healing process. Now the crucial difference between the two kinds of therapy is that, in the “for” type, the therapist and patient together create compassion and understanding concerning these blocks—from an historical per-spective, they are the inevitable outcome of a survival instinct to various over-whelming childhood events. With “against” therapy there is explicit or subtle judging, in fact shaming, of the person for having these blocks. Together healer and healee collude in the illusion that the patient can win back love by becoming “appropriate.” The patient strives to become a “good” patient in the eyes of the therapist, to try and deflect the re-shaming process of the pseudo-treatment. Words or phrases used to describe these blocks get loaded with a certain disapproving charge—“being a victim,” “blaming,” “out of integrity with yourself,” “whining,” “unconscious,” “you’re not surrendering,” “inauthentic,” “mask,” “lower self,” “closed,” and even “blocked.” Then there are words or phrases which take on a kind of glowy nirvana never-really-to-be-achieved-because-we’re-not-trying-hard-enough quality—“coming from your core,” “in alignment,” “unblocked,” “taking responsibility,” “owning it,” “getting it,” “choosing, deciding,” “surrender.”

So what is the upshot of all this? Please, if you can, when contemplating different schools of spiritual teachings, or different approaches to therapy, ask yourself if what you are being offered is a seduction: if you follow the steps well enough, you will achieve the results promised, but if you don’t, then that means you haven’t been diligent enough. Such circular reasoning leaves the type of therapy or spiritual practice irrefutable and not open to criticism—a dangerous situation for which we have extreme precedents, e.g. the Spanish inquisition.

On the other hand, there has to be some element of betrayal, or let down, in any form of healing: when we are seeking healing, there is a covert hope that we can change what’s bothering us without changing anything fundamental in our psyches. I think we all have the fantasy that we would like to believe our survival patterns have been successful when all evidence points to the contrary. Sure, those patterns worked in that we survived, but they can have devastating side effects. On an international scale, increased military action in the Middle East seems to be increasing a sense of terror on both sides.

What takes courage is to face the reality that our cherished patterns and views of ourselves are the very things which are keeping us stuck. What’s needed is deep compassion for ourselves in this truth. When we are “against” ourselves, or pick a teacher or healer who reinforces this approach, even on a very subtle level, then we don’t seem to change—we simply reach a more sophisticated level of false adaptation, a false hope that if we’re just enlightened enough, then we’ll be … (fill in the blank with your goal).

Healing seems to occur when we are on our own side, so to speak, or work with a teacher who has given up shame or disapproval as a (non-functioning) tool for change. As you may well know, the shaming process can occur, as I have alluded to, on a non-verbal or energetic level, so trust your gut when evaluating a teacher, healer or therapist. If you find your self confused about a healing approach and are constantly trying to talk yourself out of your gut reactions, chances are that you are working with a teacher or healer who hasn’t sufficiently healed their own inadequacy issues. You don’t have to ditch the whole approach, however, you may be able to proceed, but after having taken your teacher or healer off their pedestal.

Good luck on your own path! I hope these two “household hints” provide you with some benefit on your journey in life.

Peter Moore graduated from Oxford University, and, since 1980, has pursued his interest in healing. Included with his study of a variety of modalities is certification and postgraduate training with Siegmar Gerken Ph.D., and John Pierrakos M.D., the founder of Core Energetics, an approach which attempts to unify the personality on the levels of body, feelings, mind, will, and spirit. Peter is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in Eureka, CA, and can be reached at (707) 442-7228.

SENTIENT TIMES
PO Box 1330 Ashland, OR 97520
PHONE (541) 512-1084 • FAX (541) 512-1085
dmokma@jeffnet.org