SENTIENT TIMES August/September 2004

A Family Affair: Returning From War

By Shri Estes

This interview began as a simple discussion after a meeting at Peace House in Ashland, Oregon, with Linda Richards, who is the co-director, and Shri Estes. It then moved into a deeper conversation with Linda and her mother, Jill Mackie.

Shri: Linda, your whole life’s work and mission was formulated from your experience with your father having been in Viet Nam.
Linda: Yes. My non-violent commitment to life came out of the violence I had seen. I have a clear memory of the cover of Life Magazine with the little girl who was napalmed running down the street. It looks like she is flying. She appears to be a peace crane trying to create beauty from pain, non-violence from violence. I immediately identified with this picture. I was nine years old, the same age as her. My father was in Viet Nam at the time and she seemed to show everything that I felt. That began my deep conviction to non-violence as a way of life, and my dedication to all the people who have been harmed by war. I made a deep commitment to help create alternatives to violence.

When my father came back from Viet Nam, I realized something was terribly wrong. I had thought that once people came back from war, they would explain how horrible it was and war would stop. The experiences that followed in our family and those around us were quite different.

Shri: Jill, was there anyone you could talk to about your concerns?
Jill: The medical facilities had no counseling. There was no printed out sheet of what you might be going through. After Jack left, I went to the doctor because I was concerned about my own guilt. I was left with a house and two kids, and I was in a small military community. There were certain wives whose husbands were getting ready to go or had gone. There were about eight of us. We formed a small group around the needs for our children. No one questioned. We assumed our government was right. The premise was that communism was there and we needed to stop it.

Even when I went to the military hospital to express my concern and the fact that I was not sleeping well, the doctor simply prescribed Valium. I knew nothing about pills. Most of the wives were on tranquilizers while the men were at war. We all just seemed to be on automatic. I was upset he was over there. The war was not going well. I had to keep quiet. I was a good army wife. I was not supposed to question. I had to be strong for the kids. We were not destitute financially, but everything was so out of balance.

Shri: Would you describe your experience when Jack came home for Christmas?
Linda: I remember being so excited to see my dad; and as soon as we saw him, I remember crying. He was upset and angry because the plane had been delayed so long. He didn’t like the way we looked. In the very first moment I thought: dad is in a bad mood. We were all quiet. I remember him yelling at us in front of everyone. He screamed a lot during Christmas vacation. I believe he was angry because we got to stay here and he didn’t. I could just tell that even as a kid. The day before he was to go, he became a maniac. He began to throw things and all you could do was just get out of his way. I thought that day that my dad would kill my brother, try to do anything to get out of returning to Viet Nam. He stalled and stalled but wasn’t very successful. He was probably just trying to miss the plane.

I thought it probably would have been better if we had just gotten into the car and gone to Canada. He was willing to mess everything up unconsciously, but he was unwilling to take the necessary steps to change his situation.
Jill: He didn’t want to return. He didn’t like what he was doing and he was very upset with his commander for some undisclosed reason.
Linda: As soon as we got into the airport and through the front doors, the MP’s were there. They had M16 guns in their hands, big guns. They took him immediately. We never really got to say good-bye.
Jill: They had held the plane for 10-15 minutes because of Jack. We had never seen big guns like that in the airport.
Linda: The soldiers made my dad go and that was an impression that stayed with me—that there are those who are forced to go and necessarily do not want to go to war, and perhaps should never go to war. There are probably a handful of people who actually want to participate in war. This is where my concern is for people today. My father was involved with intelligence and interrogation, and, as far as we know, was not in any battle.
Jill: He had to do body courts and retrieve dead men, I remember that.
Linda: The people that are in Iraq now are seeing active combat. If this is how my father behaved so that my life was so affected, what about the children of the people ready to come home now? My dad would not say consciously that he didn’t want to go so what came out instead was massive abuse of everyone around him. A big concern of mine is for the numbers of people who say, “I have to go.” I am sympathetic for anyone put in that situation. I am opposed to a government that puts people in that position. They are forced to take on these kinds of memories and see and witness situations that can never be erased.

Shri: Often we see photos in magazines and clips on TV with soldiers being welcomed home from war and wives and children genuinely being so happy with their return. Jill, can you speak about what happened to your family when your husband returned from Viet Nam?
Jill: I didn’t have time to stop and think that I should have prepared for the coming home better. There were no discussions about he is coming home now and what are we going to do. You try to pick up where you left off—but you can’t. The kids get up and go to school and he is supposed to go to work. I think Jack did fine at work but by the time he came home, he had no way to rid himself of the frustration and anger at what he had done or seen or felt. He kept getting more angry at us, so I just pretended it was OK and told myself that in a week it is going to go away. He will understand that it is safe here and that we haven’t really changed. Yet, he had changed. He was nervous, anxious, liked to drink a lot, didn’t sleep well. He wanted to have peace and quiet around the house and got angry if the food was not what he wanted, but he never conveyed what he wanted. He couldn’t enjoy just being home.

When Jack came home for good, things slowly degenerated. At first he was relieved because he did not have to go back to Viet Nam. Over time, he drank more and was very traumatized. He was not a normal person. We decided to attempt to bring him in for treatment. We were fearful and we did not know how Jack would respond. I met with the counselor first and he spelled out the steps. The base where we were stationed had just opened a new alcohol recovery unit. Jack was confronted and told: You can go into treatment and do family counseling, or you can go to AA.” His response was: “I can quit on my own.” The counselor was younger than Jack and was only a sergeant. Jack would only respond to a general. He didn’t work on trying. He didn’t go to AA. He didn’t go back to the counselor and talk about his problems. He remained stubborn and as far as he knew, no one else knew. His commander was also an alcoholic and pressured Jack to drink socially. So his drinking remained a secret.

Shri: Linda, do you have memories of your father’s strange behavior?
Linda: Yes. I have some very clear memories of my dad yelling and screaming and crawling on the floor—speaking of the Vietnamese in very unkind words. He would be in a whole different place. Obviously he had been drinking, but I was watching him and thinking this is crazy, the war has made my dad crazy. We actually had an interesting relationship in that I think he felt somewhat understood by me. A little bit more open with me at times about what he had done. Things he would say or scream. That’s when I became somewhat confident that his intelligence gathering hadn’t been very pleasant. People had died. He was very sad about what he had done. He threw things a lot, even came at me a couple of times, thinking I was someone else, a Vietnamese person. I was eleven then. My dad started to scream at me once and came after me, so I threatened him with a knife. Nothing was unusual if my dad had been drinking. I didn’t know it was bizarre. It was just how he was.

Shri: Many would read this and say this man would have been this way anyway—that this is a classic abusive alcoholic. Why blame this all on the war?
Linda: We lived on an army base. My house was one of the sanest houses. My girlfriends had black eyes, some were sexually abused by their fathers. I occasionally had these problems with my dad but mine wasn’t the worst. In some families, the children were never safe from being hit. Vets often took out their abuse on their families. Mine was the safe house, mostly because of the atmosphere my mother attempted to create for us. Sadly enough, almost all those friends joined the army. I am one of the few who didn’t. The army was a total way of life.
Jill: In those times, we knew very little about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I didn’t even know that terminology. I blamed everything on the alcohol for so long. Then I began to understand the depths of Jack’s trauma from war.

Shri: In Iraq enlisted people are being accused of committing bizarre acts, but the belief is that officers would not. Your husband was an officer, and a high degree of violence happened within your family.
Linda: You must remember that in the army when they tell you to do something, you do it. You don’t violate an order unless you are willing to be shot for it. If you are told how to interrogate, from the top down, then this is how you interrogate.

Shri: Linda, how is it that you took such a different path?
Linda: When I was young, I saw that all the grown-ups did not seem to be speaking the truth. I believe that kids inherently know what is right and wrong. As I watched TV, I saw the Black Panthers telling the truth. I saw Martin Luther King telling the truth. I saw the protestors smeared with blood protesting outside the White House telling the truth. I saw the Buddhist monks burning themselves as a deeply courageous act to protest war, acting in truth. I have always maintained my belief in a higher power. I owe the people who have died to speak out about the lies I saw. I have a responsibility and every day I am aware of that responsibility.
Jill: Linda had that awareness even as a small child. Every year the grade school children were asked to write an essay on “Why I am proud to be an American.” Linda wrote very outstanding papers about why we should not have war and every year she won. Her writing was original and came from her deep passion for peace.
Linda: Perhaps in my case I clearly owed that little Vietnamese girl. I knew we were intimately connected. Her name is Kim Phuc and she suffered burns to more than 60% of her body. Because she was on the cover of Life Magazine and the photographer earned a Pulitzer Prize for this photograph, our government paid for her medical recovery. She was successfully treated for her burns in West Germany. She survived and grew up in Viet Nam. She studied and married in Cuba and defected to Canada in 1992. She is now a goodwill ambassador for Unesco and also runs a foundation for children damaged by war. She visits Viet Nam vets and encourages them to forgive themselves and to move on, to choose life. One of the ways she helps heal the cycle of violence is by her writing. She creates beautiful poetry.

Shri: Can you describe how being a peace activist and a child of a Viet Nam vet has put you in somewhat of a unique situation?
Linda: I was at a protest rally recently when a heckler started to scream loudly. He was with his son who was in the army and due to go to Iraq soon. I walked over to them and to the wife and grandson who were standing nearby. They could not believe we were having a protest to war with this young man ready to go to Iraq. The father had been in Viet Nam. I mentioned that my father had also been in Viet Nam. We ended up crying together. There was nothing to say, just a lot of pain. I went back to the protest group and was asked what I had said to that man to make him be quiet. I listened. I just listened to what he had to say and that moved us both to a different place.

One of the misconceptions I want to change is that I don’t hate the military at all. I realize how much pain and suffering those in the military have been through and I just want the violence to stop. When vets first see me as a peacemaker, they think I am going to pick a fight with them or say that they did something wrong. All I have is complete empathy. I hold our leaders and the civilian population responsible and accountable, not the service people who believe they are serving their country. I am well aware that we have an economic draft. Many people sign up because they just want to have enough food to put on the table. A lot of people trusted our government to not put them in a position where they are killing civilians for corporate greed.

Shri: Have you been able to forgive?
Jill: I have forgiven Jack to a point. I knew that it was not just him that did this and that has been very helpful for my own healing. I only hope that some day he is able to forgive himself. I don’t know with our particular family if there could have been anything different. Jack refused help. The eternal optimist that I am, I kept thinking the situation would get better. I said many things; but in looking back, I could have been more forceful. Also, if I had chosen to leave earlier, I would not have been supported. At that particular time in the military, if a wife chose to leave, she got no benefits for her children or herself. Some women did leave and they were very courageous. That changed in 1982 with a federal law that allowed wives benefits if they chose to leave. I waited for the children to grow, gathered my inner strength and was able to safely walk away.

When I finally left Jack and moved to another state, I felt free to talk. At that point I got into counseling. It was a huge release for me to be a civilian again, to be able to break the silence I had kept for so long. Also, as part of my road to forgiveness, I have not forgotten the wonderful times that we truly did have.

I am very proud of my daughter. She has such an objective mind and has been able to forgive her father and forgive me.
Linda: Well, you taught me that, yes you did.

Shri: What is the message that you would like to convey to others, and especially to the returning vets and reservists from Iraq and their families?
Jill: TALK. Don’t stay silent. Talk to someone other than your spouse and be prepared for all the things that might happen after he or she comes back home. Know that even difficult things can be taken care of by talking. Remember that post traumatic stress is very real and can linger for a long time. For the soldiers, remember that is was just a short time in your lives. Yes, it was hard but you have a life to live now with your family, and live your lives in peace and joy.
Linda: I don’t believe that anyone actually gets over the experience of war. I believe every person can heal. You get to have your wounds and you get to have your contributions. I am asking former vets to come forward now and be there to help those coming back to cope because it will be hard. I am aware of the large numbers of homeless vets who were in the Viet Nam war. It is truly a stretch to contribute after suffering; yet I believe this offers not only a healing to the new vets but to the old ones as well.

Shri: I want to thank you both for your willingness to be so candid in a public arena about such personal issues. Kim Phuc, at the US Viet Nam War Memorial on Veteran’s Day in 1996, said: “I do not want to talk about war because I cannot change history. I only want you to remember the tragedy of war in order to do things to stop fighting and killing around the world … we should do good things for the present and for the future to promote peace.” I hope that the experience of sharing your lives with others has also helped both of you further on the road to peace.

Shri Estes is a licensed psychotherapist and a consultant for family-run business. She is presently a board member for Peace House in Ashland, Oregon ), a non-profit, local, grassroots resource center dedicated to non-violence, education and direct action. E-mail peacehse@mind.net.

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Early Counseling for Vets Key to Prevention of Post-Traumatic Stress

When Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) became an official mental health disorder in the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1980, the road was paved for the creation of Vet Centers to offer counseling to returned vets and also to their families. It is estimated that 50% of Vietnam vets began breaking down months, even years later, showing severe signs of PTSD—depression, sleeplessness, fits of anger, substance abuse, dissociative behavior, numbness and extreme fearfulness. These symptoms are often not seen by the world but are greatly experienced within the context of the home, as the previous interview shows. It is estimated that 15% of the soldiers returning from Iraq are already showing signs of PTSD. Unique for this group of is that many will come home as amputees due to DU (depleted uranium). Early counseling for vets seems to be the key to prevention. 

A disheartening article by Charles Duhigg in the Los Angeles Times (July 18th, 2004) states: “Soldiers are untrained … for the trauma of killing. Forty years after lessons learned about combat stress in Vietnam, experts charge that avoidable psychological damage goes unchecked because military officials don’t include emotional preparation in basic training … Twenty-three US troops in Iraq took their lives last year, according to the Defense Department—an unusually high number … The emotional and psychological ramifications of killing are mostly unstudied by the military, defense officials acknowledge.”
 
This same article also states that military research showed that through WW II as few as 15% of the US soldiers fired at their adversaries on the battlefield. Troops were reluctant to kill. Trainings have changed so that killing has become a more automatic behavior. In the Vietnam War, 95% of combat troops shot at hostile fighters. The veterans of that war also suffered some of the highest levels of psychological damage. In treating psychological trauma since Vietnam, the military has created combat stress-control teams. These are health professionals in Iraq who speak with troops immediately after traumatic events. The main goal is to keep soldiers functional so they can continue to fight. The expectation is that trauma is temporary and they will return to duty. 
 
Duhigg’s article also mentions something else unique about this war in Iraq. Most of the American soldiers there grew up with video games and have a personal experience with virtual reality. They are already somewhat numbed to violence, and some even take real delight in killing. What can we expect long-term when these soldiers return? If we are to learn from history, it will probably be great and we should be ready for some surprises as well.
 
There are numerous reports stating that services to veterans will be cut drastically next year, although by how much is still unknown. With the magnitude of the issues these veterans are bringing home with them, minimal support does not seem to be the just answer. As a resource center, Peace House hopes to see if there are those in our larger community who are willing to help. For those trained therapists and counselors who are interested in offering pro-bono assistance to families, for previous vets who want to commit to helping those who are returning soon, for those family members who want to give support and wisdom, please call Peace House at (541) 482-9625. Let us determine together how we can offer our contributions to those who will be in need. 

Community Resources for Returning Veterans 

The US Veterans Affairs Domiciliary in White City, now known as the Southern Oregon Rehabilitation Center and Clinic (541-826-2111 or 800-809-8725), offers veterans a readjustment time and two years of medical and/or mental health care, although no services are offered to family members. Kevin Williams, social services, is at ext. 3551. Call ext. 3210 for eligibility information. A primary care physician has to refer vets for mental health. A drug rehabilitation center is also available. In-patient psychiatric help is at the VA Hospital in Roseburg. Reservists are offered services at the SORCC if they have been called up for active duty. They need a better than honorable discharge, income of less than $1460 per month, and a diagnosis for rehabilitation. Unless injured or disabled in the war those making more than $1460 per month must have their own health insurance to receive free health care from the VA. No services are available for spouses or families.

The Vet Center in Grants Pass (211 SE 10th St.) offers counseling and guidance services to families as well, but only on a short term basis. The Vet Center also offers bereavement counseling to families who have lost someone in the war in Iraq and helps war-zoned soldiers victimized by sexual trauma on active duty. Often the work is crisis-oriented, followed by a referral for longer term counseling or family therapy. Call Wayne Price, (541) 479-6912 for information.

SENTIENT TIMES
PO Box 1330 Ashland, OR 97520
PHONE (541) 512-1084 • FAX (541) 512-1085
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