SENTIENT TIMES • February/March 2007

Editor's Note

By Deborah Mokma

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
– Albert Einstein

Lauren Zander and Meredith Haberfeld (www.handlegrouppc.com) are coaches who help people learn new definitions of “victory.” They teach that the need to win inevitably challenges relationships, but that it is possible to learn how to hear others more clearly and express ourselves in a way that is not about one person being right and one wrong. When we listen to each other’s “truths” completely and are open to receiving all the information they have relating to the situation we can accept that the other person may have a different opinion. Here are some suggestions from Lauren and Meredith for making this essential change in how we communicate:

• Accept that most discussions are not based on fact but rather on a relative point of view.

• Ask yourself if you are treating your position as fact when it is actually your opinion—battle will often happen if opinions are the subject.

• Rather than stating “this is how it is,” use words that express “this is how it seems to me.”

• Help others to feel heard after they have shared their point of view. Before speaking your thoughts say theirs back to them, being open to correction if it turns out you have misunderstood their perspective.

• Even if only one person accepts that their perspective is relative and understands that trying to “win” means everyone loses, a true discussion is possible. By putting one fact on the table—that there are two different points of view going on—arguing may be avoided. By providing the other the right to their view of the truth you also claim the right to yours. This acceptance eliminates the need to win, and allows a peaceful negotiation which results in a more constructive dialogue and, ultimately, a real victory.

This approach to communication can be used by couples, parents, friends, in meetings, as communities, and yes, even internationally. Many of us have heard the phrase “Being the change we want to see,” and “Peace begins with me.” As more people embrace this new vision of what it means to win, the dream of Peace will be that much closer to becoming reality.
Perspective can also pertain to how we view the world and our experience in it. The analogy of a glass being “half full” or “half empty” has some bearing within the framework of this concept as well. We can consider the continuing discussion of global warming in the news as a frightening state of affairs. Or, we can consider that with so many world leaders, CEOs and US officials now admitting that we must address the part we humans are playing in this situation, it is the perfect time to take action—individually and collectively. The inevitable changes ahead of us can actually be perceived as being quite exciting. Whether it is with new employment opportunities from the creation of green-collar jobs (see page 5) or the coming together of communities through the creation of less centralized, human-scale economic structures, our shared future need not be as dismal as it often appears. It is up to us, all of us, to see that we embrace the crisis at hand as the opportunity it can be.
With a growing awareness of the many ways in which we must change—from the need to embrace the use of alternative fuels to greatly reducing our levels of consumption—the possibility of co-creating a healthy future for the next seven generations becomes more probable. I truly believe that together we can accomplish this task while honoring each other and the planet.

SENTIENT TIMES
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